Can I ask for the school's records about it?

You can ask what records they hold about the incident. What they share depends on the school and where you live, so ask in writing and keep the reply.

What if my child did do it?

The record still matters. It shows what happened, what was said and what was done afterwards, so the conversation stays about what actually happened rather than a version of it.

There's already a school page on the site.

That one, School complaint, is for when you are the one raising a complaint. This page is for when one is raised with you.

Is what I write here private?

Yes. It is your account, and nothing leaves it unless you send it.

If you're answering

The school has raised a complaint about your child

It might be a phone call from the principal, an email about an incident, or a letter asking you to come in. However it arrives, you are hearing one version, often secondhand, and you may be asked to respond quickly.

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Last updated Oct 10, 2026

Written by Dave Shelton, founder of BuildMyEvidence. Thirty years in business taught him that the person with a clear record gets taken seriously.

Before you say much, write down what you were told

Straight after the call, or as soon as you have read the email, write down:

Who contacted you, and their role.
When, and how.
What they said happened, when, and where.
Who else they said was involved, and whether anyone was hurt.
What they are asking of you or your child.

Use their words where you can remember them, and mark anything you are unsure of. How to write down a phone call

Then hear your child's version, and keep it separate

Ask open questions, let them tell it, and write it down that day in their words as best you can. Keep it on a separate page from the school's account. Don't blend the two into one story. They are two accounts, and they are more useful kept apart. Quoting someone versus describing them

If other children or adults were there, note who. You don't need to contact anyone yet. Just know who was present.

Ask for things in writing

By email, so the asking is on the record:

A written description of the incident.
Which rule or policy they say was broken.
What happens next, and who decides.
Whether you can attend any meeting, and bring someone with you.

If your child has a plan or accommodations at school, note that too, and whether the incident touches on it.

At the meeting

Bring your notes, and take new ones. Write down who was there, what was said, what was decided and what was left open. Afterwards, send a short email the same day: "To confirm what we discussed today…" and ask them to correct anything they see differently.

If it keeps happening

Repeated incidents are a pattern, and a pattern only shows if each incident is written down when it happens. Keep one record: the date, what was reported, who reported it, your child's account, what the school did, and what you did. Over a semester, that shows what a single phone call never can. Build a timeline

What to leave alone

Don't post about it, about the school, other children, or other parents.
Don't contact the other family directly about the incident while the school is dealing with it.
Don't coach your child's account. Write down what they say, not what you wish they had said.
Don't let it run on phone calls alone. Follow every call with a short email.

What your side looks like when it is in order

BuildMyEvidence is a place to put it. You write down what happened, as it happens, and attach what you already have. Everything gets a date and a number.

For something like this, that gives you:

A dated account of each contact with the school, written the same day.
The school's account and your child's account, kept separate, each in their own words.
One chronology of every incident and what was done about it.
Your own statement, in your words, numbered, with a page at the end to sign by hand.

You can read every page in full before you pay. The screen copy carries preview marks across it. The file you download is clean, and it is $59 once, for this case. What the $59 covers

It is a record, not a lawyer, and it does not tell you whether you will win. It makes sure that in three months, when somebody asks what happened, you are not relying on what you remember about a phone call in the middle of a workday.

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Read one that is already written

Two of our four worked examples are written from this side — somebody answering something they did not start. You can open them and read every page, free.

Case 004 · answering a claimA withheld deposit, from the landlord's side$1,450 held back on a $2,000 deposit. One side had photo pairs twenty-one months apart; the other had a recollection.Case 002 · answering a complaintAccused of the noise, from the other side of the fenceSeven complaints over four months. What the accused neighbor had was a work calendar, and it did more than he expected.

Questions people ask

Can I ask for the school's records about it?: You can ask what records they hold about the incident. What they share depends on the school and where you live, so ask in writing and keep the reply.
What if my child did do it?: The record still matters. It shows what happened, what was said and what was done afterwards, so the conversation stays about what actually happened rather than a version of it.
There's already a school page on the site.: That one, School complaint, is for when you are the one raising a complaint. This page is for when one is raised with you.
Is what I write here private?: Yes. It is your account, and nothing leaves it unless you send it. Privacy

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