We are not going to guess. Family matters differ a great deal from place to place. If there is a court order involved, or a lawyer has written to you, getting advice is worth considering.

Can I use their texts?

Keep them exactly as they were sent, with the date and enough of the conversation to make sense. Whether and how they can be used is a question for whoever advises you.

What if I did get it wrong?

Then say so, briefly, and write down what you have done about it. A record that admits a mistake is more believable than one that never makes any.

Is what I write here private?

Yes. It is your account, and nothing leaves it unless you send it.

If you're answering

Your co-parent says you broke the parenting plan

It might be a text, an email, a letter from their lawyer, or something said at a handover. However it reaches you, the claim usually rests on dates: a weekend, an exchange time, a holiday, a decision that was meant to be shared. The best answer is a calm, dated record.

Start your side of it Read a real one

Free to build. $59 once, for this case, if you want to download the finished file.

Last updated Oct 10, 2026

Written by Dave Shelton, founder of BuildMyEvidence. Thirty years in business taught him that the person with a clear record gets taken seriously.

Start with what the plan actually says

Find the current parenting plan or order, and any later changes. Copy out the parts the complaint is about, in the plan's own words: the schedule, exchange times and places, holidays, travel, decision-making, communication.

Then copy out what your co-parent says you did, in their words, point by point. Put the two side by side.

Plans are often less specific than people remember, and sometimes more. Work from the text, not from what either of you thinks it says.

Then the dates

For each date in the complaint, write down:

What the plan says should have happened.
What actually happened, and at what time.
Any messages before or after about it, including any agreed change.
Anything that shows it: a calendar, a message, a receipt, a school record.

If a change was agreed by text or in conversation, write that down with the date, and keep the messages. Agreed changes are one of the most common sources of these disputes, because one person remembers agreeing and the other doesn't. How to document missed visitation

Keep communication in writing, and short

If you aren't already, move practical communication into writing: text, email or a co-parenting app. Keep each message about the children and the schedule, and nothing else.

A useful test before you send anything: would you be comfortable hearing it read aloud by someone making decisions about your children? If not, rewrite it.

Keep the children out of the record-keeping

Write down what you saw and what was said to you. Don't question the children to build your side, don't ask them to carry messages, and don't write down what they said about the other parent unless they raised it themselves and it matters. If they did, write it down in their words, with the date, and leave it at that. Quoting someone versus describing them

From now on

Keep a simple log of every exchange: date, time, place, who was there, and anything worth noting. It takes a minute, and it is what makes a pattern visible, whichever way the pattern runs. Build a timeline

What to leave alone

Don't respond in the moment. If a message makes you angry, wait before you reply.
Don't post about it, or about your co-parent, anywhere.
Don't change the schedule yourself to make a point, even if you think they have done the same.
Don't argue at handovers. Keep exchanges short. Anything that needs discussing goes in writing afterwards.

What your side looks like when it is in order

BuildMyEvidence is a place to put it. You write down what happened, as it happens, and attach what you already have. Everything gets a date and a number.

For something like this, that gives you:

What the plan says and what happened, side by side, for each date they raise.
One chronology of exchanges, messages and agreed changes.
Their points, listed separately, with whatever bears on each one underneath.
Your own statement, in your words, numbered, with a page at the end to sign by hand.

You can read every page in full before you pay. The screen copy carries preview marks across it. The file you download is clean, and it is $59 once, for this case. What the $59 covers

It is a record, not a lawyer, and it does not tell you whether you will win. It makes sure that in three months, when somebody asks what happened, you are not relying on what you remember about a weekend that happened months ago.

Start your side of it

Read one that is already written

Two of our four worked examples are written from this side — somebody answering something they did not start. You can open them and read every page, free.

Case 004 · answering a claimA withheld deposit, from the landlord's side$1,450 held back on a $2,000 deposit. One side had photo pairs twenty-one months apart; the other had a recollection.Case 002 · answering a complaintAccused of the noise, from the other side of the fenceSeven complaints over four months. What the accused neighbor had was a work calendar, and it did more than he expected.

Questions people ask

Do I need a lawyer?: We are not going to guess. Family matters differ a great deal from place to place. If there is a court order involved, or a lawyer has written to you, getting advice is worth considering.
Can I use their texts?: Keep them exactly as they were sent, with the date and enough of the conversation to make sense. Whether and how they can be used is a question for whoever advises you. Screenshots that still make sense in a year
What if I did get it wrong?: Then say so, briefly, and write down what you have done about it. A record that admits a mistake is more believable than one that never makes any. What makes a record believable
Is what I write here private?: Yes. It is your account, and nothing leaves it unless you send it. Privacy

Start your side of it

Free to build · $59 once if you download it